Clinging to your most beloved
by clb270986
Summary: Naruto can't live with the pain anymore, and decides to stop it in the only way he knows how. NOT character death. AU, YAOI. COMPLETED!
1. Chapter 1

I don't know if I should cann this a drabble or a oneshot, I think it's somewhere in between.

**Warnings:**

**Profanity:** There are ill-naruted words in here. Read with this in mind.

**Beta:** This is not beta'd.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Kishimoto Masashi does. Neither do I own the song used in this fic.

The song is So Far Away by Crossfade, and can be found here: http : / / www . youtube . com / watch?v=JlioNTXgVGE (Remove the spaces)

* * *

He had finally reached his limit. He never thought that he would have to go to such lengths, but it eventually became too much to bear.

That is why Naruto was currently standing on a certain raven's doorstep at around midnight, with a CD and a letter in his hand. He ran a hand down his face to calm himself before plucking up the courage to ring the doorbell. Right before his finger pushed down on the button, he hesitated. Was this really what he wanted to do? Could he go through with it? It was incredibly tempting to just admit defeat and run back home. Home. It wasn't Konoha anymore. No, Naruto had already sold his apartment and moved his belongings to a loft in Suna. He couldn't back down, simply because he didn't have anywhere else to go, anything else to do, and he couldn't bare this searing pain anymore.

His index finger moved by itself, and before he could think more about changing his mind he had ringed the bell.

The sound of dragging feet and shuffling caught his ears and he braced himself for the raven's reaction to him being here this late. The door opened and the raven groaned, rubbing both his hands on his face before running them through his hair, messing it up even worse than it was.

"Naruto, do you have a watch?"

"Yeah, sorry about that. I… I just really need to talk to you, Sasuke."

"It definitely can't wait until tomorrow?" Sasuke sounded exasperated, but Naruto just shook his head.

"Mhm, come on in, then."

Naruto followed Sasuke into the living room, where he collapsed onto the couch. Naruto sat down carefully on the chair across from him.

"D'you want something, like a drink?"

"N-no, thank you. I just came to tell you…" He took a calming breath. Never had he thought he would be this nervous around Sasuke, his best friend. The person in question just raised a brow at Naruto's hesitation.

"I… Sasuke, I'm moving." Sasuke laughed and slapped a hand against his forehead. He had only ever laughed in front of Naruto, and it awoke a fuzzy feeling inside of him. He knew, thought, that it didn't mean anything more than that he was comfortable with him.

"_That _was why you were coming here at an ungodly hour sounding so nervous?" He looked at him. "Relax, Naruto. It's not like you're moving that far, is it?" Silence met him. "Is it, Naruto?"

_Don't say my name in that voice, __**please**__._

"I can't tell you where I'm going." The air felt heavy in his lungs. "I brought you something. Just, please, after I leave; listen to it and read the letter."

"What's – what are you talking about, dobe?" Sasuke sat up.

"Please, Sasuke. Can you do that for me?"

"But, wha-"

"_Please._" Naruto sounded dejected, and when he raised his head to meet Sasuke's eyes, his own looked dead and pleading in equal measure. Sasuke gulped.

"Okay." Naruto placed an envelope and the CD on the coffee table. Sasuke looked at them curiously before glancing oddly at Naruto.

"I better go now." Naruto got out of his seat in the armchair. Sasuke lifted himself off the couch too, and walked over to Naruto, intending to take him to the door.

"Where are you going? If you're simply looking for a new place to stay I have an extra room?"

"I can't tell you." He chose not to answer Sasuke's request. This was exactly what he was trying to avoid. He couldn't possibly live with him when he was the source of his agony. "There's one thing I need to say before I leave" _for good_. His heart clenched, and he had to fight to hold back the tears threatening to spill.

He stepped closer to Sasuke, standing directly in front of him before proceeding to palm his face in one hand. He looked at him for a few seconds, all the while stroking his thumb on him the ravens left cheek. With unshed tears in his eyes, he looked at him, seemingly memorizing every curve and dimple of his beautiful face.

Sasuke was shocked to find that Naruto's hand trembled. _What is going on? _He was about to ask Naruto exactly that when a single tear trailed down a whiskered cheek. His breath caught in his throat. _What the fuck is happening?_

"I love you."

Sasuke stood dumbstruck as Naruto let go of his face. He stared unwavering into impossibly blue eyes. A small genuine smile adorned Naruto's face, a smile which reached his eyes. _I need to forget_.

"Goodbye, Sasuke." Before he had the time to react, Naruto was out the door and down the street.

* * *

Sasuke was still staring at where Naruto had been merely minutes ago, only now he stared into nothingness. His eyes weren't focused - they were stuck at one spot as he looked without seeing.

His mind was always so clear, so focused and filled with intelligent answers. Right now, his mind was as if filled with cotton. It felt light, but at the same time so – so _numb_. He had no answers, only questions which raced through his mind as some of them got stuck in the cotton. _Where is he going? __**Why **__is he going? How long will he be there?_

There was one thought that got stuck and lingered: _He loves me_.

Why had he said that and just left? …_The gift._

Sasuke blinked rapidly as the world came back into focus. _Where is it? Fuck! Where did he put it?_

He searched frantically in the whole living room before remembering that it lay untouched on the coffee table. He sighed heavily and cursed his poorly developed searching abilities.

Walking slowly over to the table, he picked up the CD and opened the case. It was blank except for two words written on it in permanent marker: "Play me." He did.

He played through the song once, not entirely listening to the lyrics, but noticing that the man singing had a good voice. _What did he want with this?_

Sasuke didn't like to admit it, but he was really, very confused. He turned the cover over to check if there was something of importance on the back, but alas: It was blank, even the paper that normally is there was gone.

"_I brought you something. Just, please, after I leave; listen to it and read the letter."_

The letter! His eyes widened and he turned abruptly, spotting the paper beside the place where the CD had lain. The picked it up and read Naruto's scrawny handwriting at the front: "Teme"

He smiled softly when he saw the pet name Naruto had given him. It was initially meant to be insulting, but after a while it gained a teasing tone, and now it was more of an affectionate term he used towards his best friend.

He had momentarily forgotten about Naruto's abrupt departure while thinking about their friendship, but was immediately reminded when he opened the envelope. He emptied the contents on the table and immediately recognized the pendant he had given him for his birthday two years ago. There was also what looked like lyrics and a note that said: "Put the song on again".

"Seriously, he knows me too well."

He did as ordered and put the song on again, seeing not reason not to. He just listened to the man singing. He sounded sad, hollow almost, as if he'd given up. He frowned. There were some words he couldn't make out, how annoying.

Deciding to just set the song on replay – it was rather good – he picked up the sheet of paper and read the title aloud.

"Crossfade." He hadn't heard of them before.

The song started again just as he started reading what was on the paper; oddly enough the words matched the lyrics of the song. He found this extremely bizarre for about two seconds, before mentally facepalming. _Jeez, I'm loosing my touch._

Continuing to read the lyrics along with the song, he found that some places had handwritten notes on them. He thought it weird that Naruto would wri-

Naruto. Naruto had moved. Away from Sasuke. Gone. He finally wrapped his head around the situation. _He didn't tell me where he was going…_

He started at the top again, not bothering to put the song on pause.

* * *

I've been changin' but you'll never see me now  
I've been changin' but you'll never see me now  
Now I'm blaming you for everything

_I don't blame you for everything, Sasuke. Just the pain you unconsciously created._

No more holding it in  
How many years can I pretend  
Nothing never goes the way it should  
No more sitting in this place  
Hoping you might see it my way  
Cause I don't think you ever understood  
That what I'm looking for are the answers  
To why these questions never go away

_I though I could handle just being by your side as a friend, Sasuke, but I can't. It hurts too much. I had to leave because you can never look at me with the same eyes that I look at you. I had to leave because I have to forget you. Why do I love you? When did my feelings for you change? I don't know, teme, but it's there and it pains me. It has been there for seven years. I thought I could endure, that it was enough just being with you as a friend, but I'm selfish, Sasuke. It was all or nothing and I chose nothing._

I'm so far away  
I've been changin' but you'll never see me now  
I'm so far away  
Now I'm blaming you for everything

_I may be the one whose feelings changed, but __**you**__ changed for me. I started seeing you in a __different light. We, us, changed seven years ago._

No more waiting for the end  
Of every day that I will spend  
Wishing that I only had a choice  
No more pushing you away  
Cause I will be busy watching things going my way  
Never looking back on this anymore  
Because what I'm looking for are the answers  
To why these questions never go away

_I am tired of waiting, hoping that you will return my feelings. I wish I could choose who I love, or even turn it off. I tried, it didn't work. I'm going to be selfish, Sasuke, and try to forget you. And to do that I need to leave and not see you again. Sorry, teme. You have no idea…_

I'm so far away  
I've been changin' but you'll never see me now  
I'm so far away  
Now I'm blaming you for everything

_Only one person knows where I am. Don't bother him. I need this, Sasuke._

I've been changin' but you'll never see me now  
Now I'm blaming you for everything

_Only the pain in my heart, Sasuke. It broke little by little every time you called me you friend, because I wanted more than that, but I can't force you to like me. I can't force love, just as much as I can't stop it._

I'm so far away

Hey hey watch me wave  
Goodbye to yesterday  
Nothing left in my way  
Hey hey I've been saved  
With sun shining on my pain  
Getting me through this day  
Hey hey watch me wave  
Goodbye to yesterday  
Nothing left in my way  
Feels so good to say

_I will have a fresh start. A new job, new colleagues, new friends._

I'm so far away  
I've been changin' but you'll never see me now  
I'm so far away  
Now I'm blaming you for everything

_You won't see me again, Sasuke. __**I**__ will at least not see __**you**__._

Now I'm blaming you

I'm so far away

_I love you. Seeing you heals me and tares me apart at the same time – a bittersweet love. Tell the others goodbye for me, alright? I'm sorry I was too much of a coward to say this in person._

_PS: I really do love the necklace you gave me. The reason I am returning it is because it reminds me of you. I never took it off, ever, because it felt like I had a little piece of you with me at all times._

* * *

Sasuke couldn't move. His brain was on overload, and with the amount of thoughts rushing through his mind, there was no extra brain capacity to spare for mobility.

He couldn't believe what he had just read. This was just some kind of joke right? Shikamaru had come up with a master plan to make Sasuke have more empathy, and in two minutes he, Kiba, Naruto and that jerk Sai would come bolting in the door and scare the living crap out of him. That had to be it, there was just no way, _no way…_

Two minutes came and left and Sasuke still sat there, stunned and alone. He had left. Naruto had left him alone to care for himself in a world where no one was a true friend. He was the only real friend Sasuke had ever had. He hadn't cared about his money or even his icy exterior: he had cared about _him_, loved him even. _Naruto – loves me._ The thought was disturbing. How could he, a very intelligent man, oversee such a vast thing? Maybe it was because of him being socially inept or his lack of sympathy for other people?

Naruto was broken. He wanted to deny it, to say it wasn't his doing, but that would be lying. Lying to yourself only ever caused you more trouble. Naruto had hurt himself by staying friends with Sasuke. He had been ripped apart little by little every time he saw the raven, knowing that he would never be complete, happy.

The most cheery and delightfully bright person he had ever seen had walked out of his life. He didn't want him to follow, he simply wanted to leave and not look back, to put everything painful behind him and start over. Without Sasuke.

Sasuke wanted to be selfish too, and keep Naruto with him. He needed the bright boy to live – he needed his best friend. But Naruto didn't want to be his friend. It was all or nothing and Naruto had chosen nothing without his consent.

"Naruto." His voice was thick and hoarse, as if he had been screaming his lungs out, yet it was merely a whisper. His throat was raw and the back of his eyes stung with bitter tears threatening to spill. _How could you leave me here alone and hopeless, Naruto?_

"_Dobe._" Gone. The dobe, _my dobe_, was gone, and there was nothing he could do to make him return.

* * *

Yeah, thats, err ...hopefully part 1? If there is a request for a part 2, there will most probably be one.

Ja ne!


	2. Chapter 2, part 1

Erm... hi. This is the first part of the second chapter fo this two shot. if that makes any sense. I think I just needed to post this, as if was weighing down on my shoulders and not helping me write the second half at. all. Bugger.

So I present you with a half chapter, or so. I don't know how long the second half is going to be... but this part is the length of my normal chapters, at least :)

I hope none of you hate me, and I hope you can leave a little something for me to feed my ego. Thank you :D

Disclaim: I even disclaim the disclaimer. I would take shikamaru any day, though. GIMME!

* * *

Sasuke didn't know how many emotions you were supposed to go through, and he didn't know how many he _had_ gone through. What he _did _know was that the past week – or month, he stopped counting the days after a while - had been blank. The world as he knew it had turned a dull gray, and he had a hollow feeling in his gut; as if there was a vacuum left where a part of him should have been.

The fact that the dobe had moved was not the source of this tremendous shock, but that he confessed his love of seven years and left _no_ means for Sasuke to contact him certainly was. He had gone from door to door asking Naruto's neighbours if they knew anything, but no such luck. No one knew where he was, _no one_: even Iruka claimed to be ruefully uninformed.

That was two months ago. Two ungodly long months had passed since the walking sun of Konoha had seemingly vanished from the face of the earth. It was six weeks since the Uchiha stopped answering the phone for numbers he knew; five weeks since he locked himself in his house, refusing to answer the door; two weeks since his boss showed up on his doorstep and fired him. (That didn't come as a great shock seeing as Sasuke hadn't been to work for over six weeks – he honestly thought he was way over due). And, to his surprise, it was five weeks since Shikamaru started showing up with food, movies, coffee, shogi and the occasional Neji.

Shikamaru was... a welcome distraction. He didn't talk too much; Sasuke liked that – it let him think. However, when he was far too lost in thought for his own good, Shikamaru would drag him out of his murky mind demanding a game of shogi. He could honestly say that he had come to respect him a little more. God – or whoever; Sasuke had little faith in the forces above at the moment – knows he needed the human contact.

Neji was a different case. He didn't like the guy, and the prick didn't like him either. But for the sake of Shikamaru, they forced themselves to be civil to each other. The upside was that he didn't come unless forced by his boyfriend.

* * *

The door clicked shut behind Shikamaru as he left Sasuke's apartment. Or what used to be his apartment, but was now more of a nest. He personally thought it looked dead.

The living room was fairly messed up. The floor was littered with assorted food remains, Starbucks coffee cups and the odd stain, and Shikamaru was certain that a family of dust bunnies had settled down in the tangle of cables where Sasuke's TV had stood. He had removed it from what Neji called 'the uninhabitable zone' to Sasuke's bedroom when the air became too dank to breathe in.

Overall the room looked like shit, and it smelled like something had crawled under his couch and died.

His bedroom was the complete opposite. Fresh air drifted in from an open window, making the curtains flutter and thus the light dance across the dark walls. The hardwood floor was free of trash, and a slim strip of sunlight traced from the middle of the floor and up three quarters of the wall. The walls were stripped of all decorations, but the occasional darker patch of wallpaper where the sun would have hit them showed that pictures had once been there, but at some point taken down.

A cardboard box sat in the corner of the room, hidden in the shadows so you would have to put an effort into stumbling across it. The box was taped viciously with duct-tape in every possible angle and direction, making it quite clear to bystanders that it was not to be opened.

The room looked deserted, if not for the breathing pile of blankets on the big four-poster bed. The flickering lights from the television also helped with the homey feeling the room emanated.

* * *

In the near distance the muted click of a door shutting could be heard, and a tangled mop of black hair surfaced from his makeshift nest, much like a Nixie from murky water. Footsteps could be heard approaching the door to the bedroom, and as the door opened it was the smell of take-away Chinese that turned Sasuke's head rather the person bringing it.

A relieved sound that sounded suspiciously like "food" emitted from Sasuke. Layer after layer of fabric was haphazardly slung off the side of the bed, and no sooner had Shikamaru sat down on the bed than the food was stealthily taken away from him.

Shikamaru sighed and sunk deeper into the mattress. He would have to buy more for himself if the sound of food being inhaled with finesse was anything to go by. Sasuke had taken to eating a lot one or two times a day and that usually included Shikamaru's part of the meal. He berated himself for being stupid enough to forget that important fact every time he went shopping. He cleared his throat.

"What are you watching?" Sasuke swallowed before answering.

"One piece."

"Ah." _So he's hiding in a fictional reality one again_, thought Shikamaru. _And I thought he would be done with that after Bleach._

The silence settled yet again, only disturbed by the noises of Sasuke eating and eventually Shikamaru's stomach growling. Thinking this would be as good a time as any to get more food Shikamaru stood up, but halted his steps when he heard Sasuke talking.

"Why do you come here, Shikamaru?" Sasuke was staring at the TV blankly, not even pretending to watch the show.

"Well," he said, not really surprised by Sasuke's sudden question.

Shikamaru wasn't one to dwell on things, and Sasuke actually using his mouth for anything other than eating was reassuring. "I was told look out for you."

Yeah, _right_. Sasuke wasn't buying that.

"By a friend of mine who is no longer in a position that allows him to do so himself," Shikamaru continued.

Sasuke turned his head to face Shikamaru. "Naruto did?"

His eyes held a mix of curiosity, rage, confusion, hurt, hope and other things Shikamaru didn't want to get into. As if his dam of pent up feelings had breached and was spilling out its contents in a rush.

He was shocked, less now than before, that Sasuke was openly showing feelings. The cold, hard exterior was cracking and blistering; making Sasuke look more like any other person, and making Shikamaru think that seclusion was both a good and a bad thing for him.

"He did, didn't he." It was a statement, and the lazy genius was waiting for the outburst that was sure to come any second, now.

"...motherfucker," he heard him mutter.

Shikamaru had expected a lot of things, but –alarming as it was- this was not it. Never had he expected to see Sasuke, _Uchiha Sasuke_, to calmly walk over to him, fist the front of his shirt in his hands, slowly push him up and against a wall and address him with a voice so drenched in repressed rage Shikamaru swore the light bulb flickered.

"For a period of time longer than I care to remember I've been searching for him, and here you are, right in front of me, with the answers you _know_ I crave!"

Shikamaru would have been scared, hell; he would have been _terrified_ if it hadn't been for the pained furrow between Sasuke's eyebrows and the trembling of his hands.

"...shit." Shikamaru's head hit the wall behind him, and he winced as the elastic band that held up his ponytail dug into his scalp.

Should he tell him? There was no reason not to, Shikamaru reasoned. Naruto had told him that he could tell Sasuke of his whereabouts if the outcome of the encounter that was deemed to come afterward would be good. Shikamaru thought so. He had a hunch, and his hunches were pretty damn good. Especially when you take into consideration that hunches are based of intelligent guesses and common logic sense.

Shikamaru wasn't known to be lacking in that area.

Conclusion: Sasuke was going to Suna.

That, and Sasuke had still to set him down. If that wasn't an opportunity to have an intimate chat about Naruto nothing was.

"Listen, Sasuke." He received a snarl in return, making Shikamaru swallow the saliva that suddenly had started to flow freely and energetically in his mouth.

_Damn, shit and fuck. This is way too troublesome_.

He cleared his throat shallowly, unsatisfactory.

"The thing is: Naruto moved to get away from you. Why would I want to intentionally cause him pain by letting you know where he's at?"

Sasuke flinched and averted his eyes.

_Score._

"He told you, right?" Sasuke's eyes stayed hidden in the shadow cast from his bangs. "He told you all about how he has loved you for seven years, how much it hurts, how miserable he feels for leaving you, how much he hates himself for being selfish and inconsiderate of your feeli-"

"He what?" Sasuke was an inch away from ripping out his own hair - literally. And the releasing of Shikamaru that came with the reallocation of hands left the poor genius on his knees in front of Sasuke, his legs hurting and his face in a very close proximity to something he considered Naruto property.

_Rise and shine, Shikamaru_.

Shikamaru stood and dusted off his knees, his favourite word coming to mind. _Procrastinating._

"Sasuke, listen to me. Naruto feels like an ass because you have no one other than him you consider a friend, and he left you because of his own needs." Shikamaru sighed. He didn't know if he was getting through to the brunette, but he wasn't one to neglect what he considered his duty. "He thinks you're lonely, and he _knows_ he is. But that alone does not make you worthy of getting him back. Get it?" His voice got a bitter tone towards the end, and it made him wonder how far his protectiveness for Naruto went. Mind you, he _had_ known the blonde since kindergarten.

"I don't want you going after him 'just because'. Neither do I want it to be because of your endless possessiveness of him or for some reason you don't really know what is."

Sasuke, in his state of utter depression and lifelessness hung his head and took the verbal beating he was getting with imperative acceptance.

"Before I decide if you're worthy of his time, you're going to look at the letter he wrote you one more time," Shikamaru stated casually.

"What letter?" Sasuke asked. Judging by the questioning look on his face he really did not know what Shikamaru was talking about, but was honestly trying to figure it out.

"The lyrics to the song he left you."

"Oh. Yeah, I remember those."

Shikamaru, in his newly found state of superiority, cocked an eyebrow at his lack of movement.

"They're in the uninhabitable zone."

Sasuke got an eye roll and a dismissive wave of a hand in his face, before the genius-turned-caretaker strolled leisurely into the living room. He returned only seconds later, jogging slightly with a slip of paper in his hand.

"God that stinks." He muttered under his breath, before he handed the letter over to Sasuke.

The brunette walked over to the bed and sat down at the end of it, the paper firmly held by two hands. The frown between his eyebrows deepened and the paper was brought closer.

"Shikamaru." A head turned in acknowledgement. "Where did I put my glasses?"

"Wha- Don't you use contacts?" Shikamaru asked. He would have laughed at the image of Sasuke all but pressing his nose through the sheet of paper to counteract his nearsightedness, but taking into consideration the circumstances of his visit he would rather share his little moment of humour with Neji.

"I haven't bothered with them recently," he mumbled. "Do you know where they are or not?" Sasuke had given up on trying to interpret the small specks of ink on the paper, as it was currently lying on his lap and Sasuke's head was turned in Shikamaru's direction.

"You put them on top of the TV."

Had Sasuke had less pride he would have hit himself flat on the face, but seeing as he had quite a bit of that he settled for a minuscule tightening of lips. Retrieving the glasses from atop of the television, he sat down and began reading.

* * *

Shikamaru's leg was twitching to the rhythm of the One Piece intro as he sat on the bed.

Beside him sat the one and only emotionally challenged raven and, what do you know; he was still reading the damn letter.

"You kno-", was as far as Shikamaru got before he was cut off.

"I fail to see how reading this would get me anywhere."

He sighed at his behaviour. No matter how depressed, Sasuke still unconsciously managed to be rude and painfully direct. "I told you to _look_ at it, if I remember correctly."

"And what good would that do me?" Sasuke answered irritably.

He didn't know if he was just tired, but sighing seemed to be the action of the day. "Look here, Sasuke." He said, sitting down and pointing to several spots on the sheet of paper. "See these circular patches? Those are dried tears."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed and he wanted to outright growl. And put up an appointment for his foot with the groin of whoever made his dobe cry. And then he remembered that he probably was the one who did.

He scowled dirtily and gripped the paper harder, feeling it strain at the brink of ripping.

"I ..." He started. "I need you to take me to Naruto, Shikamaru."

Never had the Nara been happier to comply.

"You know what that means, right?" Sasuke shook his head in an affirmative.

"Let's get going then," Shikamaru said while restraining Sasuke - who had begun to rise, most likely going for the front door. "_After_", he stressed, "you take a shower. God knows you smell worse than your living room."

* * *

Shikamaru was in the driver's seat, some annoying woman with a speech impediment was being witty on the radio, and Sasuke was glaring at nothing in particular.

He was glaring because, well; quite frankly, he didn't particularly like the car. Not the least.

Sasuke had always been one for high performance, low riding, streamlined, sleek, stealthy cars, and not big bulky hummers; anything squarer than a Rolls Royce made him cringe. They were just so big and _boxy_, and they left him feeling trapped rather than gliding along the road like with his own car. He rather liked his custom-made Lamborghini Murciélago, thank you very much. But Shikamaru hadn't let him drive, and the Murciélago would be engulfed in flames the day he let anyone as much as touch the door on its driver's side.

So, he was forced to take a seat in the boxiest thing only second to trucks, and he was not pleased.

He made sure to let Shikamaru know that – several times.

Shikamaru was glad to tell Sasuke that of every single Lamborghini he had seen there had not been one model with soft curves; they were actually quite edgy and boxy themselves.

Sasuke expressed his resentment for that with a malicious threat of painful death.

Shikamaru told him that if he tried anything he would kick him out of his boxy car, and he would have to walk all the way back home.

Sasuke shut up after that.

* * *

Shikamaru couldn't help but wonder what Sasuke would do when he got to Suna – to Naruto's office. Naruto had given him his schedule so, if Sasuke ever came to his senses, he would know if he should drive to his workplace or his apartment.

He wondered what Naruto would say when they walked through the doors in Suna. What he would do? Would he cry? Yell? Ignore them? What would he look like when their eyes met?

He hoped he would see understanding. He hoped to see relief, trust, belief and most of all he hoped to see the dull blue eyes that met his when he visited fill with life and happiness.

_God _he hoped he made the right decision.

* * *

Sasuke had fallen silent again. He knew where they were going, now. Shikamaru was sure of it. He would be surprised if he didn't, considering how many signs they had driven by and followed, all of them with the same name and direction.

Shikamaru wasn't as apprehensive as before. Sasuke had taken to fiddling with the hem of his shirt and tapping his foot and fingers to the rhythm and melody of a song he knew. It was something to hang on to; something solid and consistent. He wasn't looking out of the passenger side window anymore either, but, if he was reading his eye movements right, he was following the lampposts that stretched along the road.

Sasuke was nervous. Nervous was good, _very_ good, considering the circumstances.

The sky was clear, the winter had come and taken away the light even though it was still early evening, and so the lights flickered by rhythmically; casting half of Sasuke's face in yellow light and reflecting in his glasses for a second, hiding in the temporary darkness, and then bathing him in light again.

Shikamaru wanted to know what he would say when he met Naruto. He wanted to cut him open and dig for answers inside his head, to see for himself whether Sasuke was the real deal or not. But, as much as he liked getting lost in thought; he was actually driving a car _and_ he had the person whose mind the answers belonged to right beside him. So he asked.

"What are you going to do when we get to Suna?" As expected, Sasuke didn't react to the name. Still, it took him a moment to reply.

"I'm taking him back to his apartment." Sasuke shifted in his seat. "That way you can drive home to Konoha and I can have a good long chat with him."

"You're just going to take him out of work?" he said disbelievingly, while at the same time wondering where his compassion came from. Normally the Uchiha wouldn't give a flying fuck about what consequences his actions had for others.

"Yes. He's going to quit anyway, might as well do it sooner rather than later." He turned his head to look directly into Shikamaru's eyes. "He's coming home with me."

Shikamaru turned his head back to the road, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

_Yeah._

It was all going to work out fine.

* * *

Naruto was tired, and he desperately needed coffee.

That didn't mean he was tired _because_ he needed coffee, though.

He was tired of working late shifts, tired of eating fast food because he couldn't cook for the life of him, tired of having to say hello to every single person every single morning, and he was tired of everyone being so god damn happy and smiling all the time. It was like everyone had turned into Gai and Lee; full of love, life and happiness, and no amount of affection for the two would make him not detest that. What with the caffeine deficiency and all he started hallucinating; green dots shooting in front of him, running along with a distorted glob of yellow tagging along. That could be Gai's coffee-cup, though. The thing was a monster.

He was also not getting enough sleep, something that was sure to be visible on his face as no smile, no matter how bright, could cover up the sleeping-bags under his eyes. He hated how people noticed, and how they pitied him when he convinced them that he was having trouble at home and that it was nothing to worry about.

He saw their stares and heard them whisper about him probably being sick from heartbreak. Stupid, inquisitive, nosy, knowing girls - of course he was heartbroken. And he had himself to blame for looking like he was.

All the extra work and late nights was because of Sasuke. Every time he stopped working he thought of him, every time he went to bed he dreamt of him, every time he relaxed his thoughts would wander and the image of Sasuke's dumbstruck face would blind him.

And so he worked. Worked the image out of his head, the voice, the smell, the posture, the throaty chuckles, the dirty glares and the eyes that shot them, everything about him that made him... _him_.

* * *

"Uzumaki-san?"

_Damn it, I drifted off again._

"Yes, Hinata-san? What do you want?" He sounded annoyed, he knew, but he didn't have the energy or will to do anything about it.

The pale girl blushed furiously. "I w-was just... Your meeting s-starts in ten m-minutes, Uzumaki-san."

"Oh, right. Sorry, Hinata-san, I'm a bit on edge today." Naruto smiled apologetically at her and rose from his chair.

He was standing right in front of Hinata, and so was the girl. Just standing there, staring dreamy into space (which was suspiciously located at his chest). She came to and another - darker this time - shade of red covered her face, starting at her cheeks and spreading throughout her whole face. "Hinata-san? Would you mind...?"

"Oh, yes. Sorry." The girl hastily stepped aside, tripping slightly on her own feet.

_What is up with that?_, Naruto thought. _She should get a doctor to look at that blushing problem of hers._

He gave Hinata one last smile and walked leisurely past the rows of cubicles. The door at the far end of the room led to a staircase, which in turn led to his destination. He was at the sixth floor, and the meeting-room was at ground level.

It was such a wonderful place to work when you were scared of lifts.

* * *

His knees were sore and his hips had taken most of the beating from the six flights of concrete stairs. The fact that they were poorly constructed didn't help much either; the steps were just a tad too shallow and a bit too tall, making his hips sway weirdly as he walked.

He checked his wristwatch – two minutes until his meeting started. That meant that he had one minute to get a coffee and down it - if not to wake him up completely, then at least to make him not fall asleep – before he would have to put up with the smiling faces of his co-workers.

All he could do was pray that the meeting would get cancelled in the nick of time, or that all the participants of the meeting would get spontaneous diarrhoea. Anything would do really; just they didn't dirty the chairs. He didn't owe that to the cleaners.

"Uzumaki!" Naruto raised his head in the general direction on the noise. _Oh sweet baby Jesus, no._

"Yeah, hey... Sai." Sai's face was blank as a canvas, empty, devoid of any emotions – generally missing – just like Naruto predicted his social skills to be.

Sai was Naruto's enemy in all aspects of the word the blonde bothered to list. From day one they had been at each other's throats; Sai making it very clear to the rest of the room that Naruto, as a matter of fact, had no penis what so ever. Naruto retorted with a very clever "Why don't you feel me up then, if you think you're so familiar with my anatomy, O' Great Encyclopaedia, sir.", and in an obviously not thought through method of denying Sai's statement, pushed his groin out and pointed overenthusiastically at it. Sai took the offer with vigour and proceeded to openly grope and fondle Naruto's balls. He swore to one day take revenge, but the opportunity had yet to show itself. Perhaps he should take use of his tiredness and finally do something.

He could always blame the caffeine-deficiency.

"How's the penis?" Sai asked.

"Bloody better than yours, that's for sure." Naruto retorted.

"Hey, no need to lash out. It's not my fault that your circumcision went wrong; it's unlucky how they had to cut it all off. It's not like you need it anyway, eh, Uzumaki? Or am I wrong in saying that you sit when you piss?"

Naruto was breathing deeply by now. In through his mouth and out his nose, just like they said at the yoga-programme on TV, or was it in his nose and out his mouth?

Sai continued ranting on about the size of his balls, saying that they were unnaturally big for _him_ and had to be prosthetic testicles, and the urge to beat the crap out of the man rose rapidly in Naruto.

_In the mouth and out the nose, in the mouth and out the nose, up the ass and out the mouth_, Naruto chanted to himself, – that's where his foot should be. It would thrive.

Just when he was about to redecorate Sai's dentition, his saviour appeared, dressed casually in khaki shorts and a loose fitting shirt.

"What the hell? Shikamaru?" Shikamaru gave him a lopsided smile.

"Why are you here? Who died?"

"No one, Naruto. Except you, if you don't get any coffee soon." Naruto grinned and scratched the back of his neck.

"Always the observant one, eh?" He poked him in the ribs. "Seriously, though. What are you doing here if I'm not going to a funeral?"

Shikamaru's face lit up like a child's on Christmas. "I fixed it."

"What? What did you-? Fixed what, now?" Naruto shook the grinning genius by the shoulders. "Shikama-"

The last syllable stretched out as Naruto laid his eyes on a patch of black and pale, pale ivory. A rather tall patch with clothes on.

Had Naruto been paying attention he would've noticed how every pair of eyes in the room was on him, and how his face went slack and his eyes widened.

Naruto stared at Shikamaru, searching his face. "You fixed-?"

Shikamaru merely nodded.

"Are you telling me that you... he... you - Honestly?" Shikamaru nodded yet again. "100% certain? No doubt? Absolutely-"

"Yes, Naruto, I am a genius, remember? Child prodigy and all that?" Shikamaru smiled warmly at him when he saw his face relax. "Plus: I got some help."

Shikamaru pointed at Sasuke, who was standing a good fifty feet behind him. Naruto's eyes travelled the length of Shikamaru's arm and, finding Sasuke at the tip of his finger, roamed his body from his shoes to his hair and down again to his eyes.

Naruto's breath caught and suddenly he felt like he was 16 again; inexperienced, small, and falling in love.

* * *

Clammy hands ran down lean-clad thighs and scratched a chest and the back of a neck. Everything itched. Under his bellybutton, his forehead, his ribcage, his back, the sole of his foot, the top of his hands. He felt like every inch of him, clothed or not, was covered in scattering ants. He found out early on that the skin of his elbow was too thin; alas, not early enough, as his it was bleeding slightly and thus itching all the more.

The part where he got out of the car and walked into the building was lost on him, but now that he was inside (what looked oddly like a hotel lobby), his brain caught up quickly.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and went after Shikamaru, feeling sluggish and disoriented. He stopped beside him and looked up from the floor, wondering what caused him to halt, and his eyes locked on the back of whom – judging by the hair – could only be Naruto.

...who was having a heated conversation with a man whose skin was pale and hair was dark, similar to his own. Too similar.

He watched as Naruto turned to leave and saw his face harden as he saw Shikamaru. He looked worried, frantic for a few seconds, before anticipation and disbelief replaced it.

Naruto shook Shikamaru by his shoulders, making his ponytail bob oddly. Sasuke would have thought it amusing, hadn't it been for the circumstances.

He watched as Naruto followed the path of Shikamaru's pointing finger and a shudder ran the length of his spine as the blue eyes roamed his body. He felt rather than saw him move towards him hesitantly, and the heat of his gaze burned him.

He was about to tell his brain how to move his feet, when the very same guy that Naruto had talked to seconds before came up and embraced him from behind, making Naruto squeak in surprise.

His body pulsed heavily and his jaw clenched, a sudden fury seeping through his veins and making his skin tingle in its intensity. His body moved on its own accord, and in fifteen long strides he was before him, yanking Naruto out of the offending grip by his wrist.

He felt Naruto slam into his chest, heard him gasp, and noticed how his free hand fisted the fabric of his shirt.

He growled deep in his throat, a carnal sound, and an abrupt craving to tear the offending man limb from limb swept through him like an orgasm, an anti-orgasm – pure bloodlust and killing intent scorching him from the inside and burning his veins.

The unoccupied arm snaked around Naruto's waist, flexed, pulled, and pressed them flush against each other.

The poor excuse of a replacement stood before him, smirking, and his hands casually in his jacket pockets. He was doing it on purpose.

A tinge in his chest – fear? – made him hunch his back, covering over Naruto. Why was he looking at him like that? Was he forgotten? Had Naruto been taken by this man? Did he not want him anymore? How many ways and for how long could you maim a man and not get prosecuted?

Doubt and hopelessness took over and he wanted to flee; run and never look back.

_Fuck._

This was why he never bothered to let his emotions get to him. They always fucked up his pace!

"Sasuke?"

The voice, shocked and confused, came from below, rumbling through his chest like a bolt of lightning. He felt breath on his neck and a hand on his back, tracing soothing, irregular circles.

"Hey, Sasuke, they're looking..."

Sasuke lifted his gaze and looked around the room. People were staring openly at them, whispering amongst themselves, some were talking loudly, not caring whether anyone heard them.

Sasuke felt offended; as if he was in a cage, trapped and ogled for others amusement.

Shikamaru was shaking his head and chuckling softly, but managed to meet Sasuke's eyes. He took his left hand out of his pocket and jingled the car keys. Sasuke merely nodded and turned his head to Naruto's ear.

"We're going back to your apartment," he murmured. "I have some talking to do."

"But, what about my job? I'm supposed to be at a meeting right now!" Naruto was slightly worried, Sasuke could easily tell, but he could also see the anticipation.

"You quit." Sasuke released Naruto's wrist, noticing how cold it had gotten.

"Thanks," Naruto said, wincing as the blood started flowing again. "What do you mean I quit?"

"Patience, dobe." He grasped Naruto's tan hand and started leading him towards the doors, thrilled beyond belief that Naruto wasn't opposed to the idea.

Shikamaru was walking behind, still chuckling, and with a skip in his step.

* * *

The car ride was long, longer than it should have been considering the fact that Naruto lived five kilometres from his workplace. His _former_ workplace, Sasuke corrected himself.

He was staring out the window yet again, but instead of the nauseous feeling in his gut from before, he was now filled to the brim with good nerves and heady anticipation.

And then Naruto removed his hand from Sasuke's grasp.

Naruto wiped his palm on his thigh and continued looking at the scenery and Sasuke felt his chest constrict.

His hand lay unmoved in the seat between them, his palm still up and tingling as it cooled, and the rest of his body stiffened noticeably.

Dread and anguish washed over him, but instead of retreating back again like proper waves should it continued rising higher and higher still, until it reached his eyes and Shikamaru could he the pain that swam in them from his rear-view mirror.

He hated to admit it, but...

That had really hurt.

* * *

Yeah, thass part 1 fer'ya. /:

It'll make my day if anyone told me their opinion :D

The second part will come up as soon as my body stars doing what my brain tells it to.

Ja ne!


	3. Chapter 2, part 2

Hullo tharr.

I present the last installment of this "two-shot". It's bound to be some mistakes in here, 'cause it's not beta'd and it's 5.30 in the morning atm. Which means I did an all-nighter trying to squeeeeze this fucker out. It had taken me way too long to finish this. And it's short, but it was supposed to be posted with the first part of chapter 2, so it's justified. or something. -sighs-

I still don't make any money writing this, and all the characters and etc. belong to their respective owners.

ONWARD!

* * *

Clinging to Your Most Beloved.

Chapter 2, part 2.

Sasuke felt the staircase creak below his feet, a different note to each step. The sound was oddly loud in his ears, what with the jingling of keys and the soft thumping of Naruto's feet on the wood. His breath forced his way out of his lungs with difficulty, and the urge to start hyperventilating rose with each second. All he wanted to do, really, was to run. Sasuke wanted to turn and flee; away from the pain and the humiliation, the depression and the misery that was sure to come. It was made perfectly clear to him the he was not wanted back, in either sense of the word, and he wished desperately to completely loose his marbles, yell an apology and run the hell out of the old apartment complex.

But, no; Naruto had unlocked his door and was already inside, looking at him weirdly.

"Sasuke?" Naruto asked him. Sasuke cleared his head and his throat as he stepped inside. The room he entered was sparsely furnished with a classy deep red sofa, a small coffee table and a flat-screen TV hanging on the wall. There were boxes in the corner still, but Sasuke dared not even hope that they were not unpacked. What good would hope do him now?

"Yes?" He finally answered.

"Want something to drink? I haven't had my share of coffee yet..." Naruto spoke with his head in a kitchen cabinet, fishing out the necessities for their coffees, even without Sasuke's consent.

"Yeah, sure. Thanks." He sounded awkward even to his own ears.

Sasuke heard a kettle banging on the stove and the steady shuffling of ground coffee hitting aluminium, and let a smile tug on his mouth. He remembered clearly the time when he had caught Naruto grounding his own coffee on the floor in the living room of his Konoha apartment. He had apparently found out that the brands in the grocery store were "polluted with nasty-business", so he bought beans from a little specialist shop instead. Sasuke had not had the heart to tell him the beans probably came from the same manufacturers.

"Here, your cup. Two sugars and a teaspoon of milk... it's hard to forget after seven years."

Naruto casually sipped from his cup and looked pointedly at Sasuke. He nodded thanks, feeling his shoulder tense up again with the not so subtle reminder.

"Or was it fifteen years?"

Sasuke cringed under the weight of the question, and idly noted that he had screwed up a lot more that he had first thought.

Which then let to thinking that he had a lot more to make amends for, and _this_ was how he was going to do it? A simple "I'm sorry" and a declaration of love and stupidity was the first thing he came up with, and the last thing that would actually work. No sane man –or woman for that matter, maybe even more so- would even consider accepting such a lame apology. It would be better to lie down by Naruto's feet and beg for forgiveness, even resulting to tears, just to make up for fifteen years of abuse.

"Sasuke?"

"...yeah?" he croaked.

"How long d'you recon it's been?" Naruto leaned back in the sofa, still keeping his eyes on Sasuke.

"Since what?" Sighing, Sasuke rocked his cup, making the coffee ripple and splash over the edge. "Since we met? Since I last saw you? When I noticed you ...properly _noticed_ you? Or since I last washed my hair?"

The small snicker coming from his right was all Sasuke needed, and like a plug yanked out of a bathtub drain he felt the anxiety and fear slowly but surely wash away. The worry lingered, though ..._the bitch._

The clink of a coffee cup being put down hit his ears, and he felt a thigh brush his as Naruto sat back down.

"You know," Naruto started, dead serious. "Your hair is really greasy. It's kinda gross." And won't you know, the worry made like a tree and left, leaving a feeling of peace in its wake.

"I was being serious you idiot."

"Relax, teme. I let go of your hand 'cause my hand got clammy. You sweat like a pig when you're nervous, honestly."

Sasuke's face showed nothing short of pure shock as it turned toward the blonde nutcase sitting beside him. He tried to say something, but he could only shut his mouth after opening it, lest he start shouting obscenities. The shock turned to plain "pissed off" when he heard Naruto laughing.

"Here I try to send you on a guilt trip, and you beat me to it. Way to take the fun out of life, teme."

"You little piece of shit! Do you have the slightest idea of how- of course you have. I mean, Shikamaru? You even cried, for fuck's sake."

"I meant all I said that said that day, it was only later I found out leaving Konoha wasn't working. So I gave Shika a ring," at this he got a nasty look from Sasuke, but Naruto paid made no move to placate him. "...and he came up with this plan to make you come to your senses, 'cause fuck knows you couldn't do it by you self - which led to him spending a ridiculous amount of time at your place. He told me your apartment looks like a dungeon or something, completely uninhabitable. I mean come _on_, teme; you fall apart when I'm not around."

Naruto looked at Sasuke expectantly, but by the looks of it the Uchiha was not ready to talk just yet. This sat pretty well with Naruto, seeing as he had a fairly large load on his chest he was itching to rid himself of.

"And I'm not mad at you. Sure, you're daft as shit, but no one's ever taught you to let your emotions out, ya know? So I get it, I do ... and I forgive you for taking so damn long. So there, I got my shit of my chest, now it's you turn." He gave Sasuke a tiny shove with his shoulder, and received a larger one in return. The corners of Sasuke's eyes crinkled happily and he set his cold coffee down on the table. He cleared his throat and rested his forearms on his knees, preparing to empty his guts. Figuratively, hopefully.

"I-"A small cough. "I fucked up, with capital letters and big blinking arrows and all that shit that's in all of those mangas you read, and I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I screwed up royally, but I can't be one hundred percent sorry either, because it looks like things worked out for the better, I hope. If it didn't, then I am ...sorry, that is, and- what the fuck is that?"

Sasuke looked in horror at the miniature lion that walked into the room, stretching its hind legs languidly and yawning widely.

"Oh, I got a cat. Actually he got me, the bastard. He followed me in one day without me noticing. Imagine the shock I got when I woke up with that monster on my chest. Nearly wet myself."

"...right." He would be lying if he said he was at ease with the – did he call it a cat? - in the room, but as long as it stayed out of his reach he would manage. An arm snaked its way around his shoulders, and Sasuke felt breath to the side of his face and a small kiss to his temple.

"I forgive your tardiness, I love you, and I could not give less of a shit about the past, so let's look forward, m'kay?" Naruto's lips brushed Sasuke's skin as he talked, and the scent of coffee assaulted the raven's nostrils. Sasuke found he liked it.

"You love me?"

"Yes, in all your fabulous glory."

"Okay." A yawn. "Who was the guy at your work? The white one with the black hair who assaulted you."

"Ah, you mean Sai." Simply _stated_, and laced with fury,

"I'm going to kill him. Slowly."

"Can I help?"

"Gladly."

Sasuke shifted and rested his cheek on Naruto's shoulder, and noticed how the grip on his shoulder tightened. He felt like he was floating; Naruto and he was okay, he loved him, he felt perfectly safe, and the contentment was threatening to lull him to sleep.

"Hey, teme. Don't you fall asleep on me!"

"Mmpfh," he grumbled, his eyelids slipping closed. "You drained me with all the confessing and shit, dumbass. Let me sleep."

A hand lifted his head by his chin, forcing him to open his eyes. The sight that greeted him was big blue eyes, happy eyes, and Sasuke was right in claiming those luscious lips, if only for a few short seconds. He bumped his nose to Naruto's and then buried his face in his tan neck.

"Love you, too."

"Aw, look who's turning mushy!"

"Your damn fault for saying all those things in the first place. Sap."

"Who're you calling a sap, you sap?"

"You are a sap. A weirdly romantic sap. It's cute."

"And now I'm cute... Jesus, you're delusional! Let's get you into bed, mister. No more talking in tongues, and you better be back to your normal prissy self in the morning, 'cause then I'm going to fuck your brains out."

Sasuke had never thought that being manhandled and carried around by a six foot blonde would feel so good, but life is full of surprises, and as his head hit Naruto's pillow he let a smile slip onto his lips while his hands fisted Naruto's shirt, keeping him in place. A chuckle and a mutter of "idiot" later Sasuke found himself tangled together with said blonde in a way too small bed, both still fully dressed, and he felt genuinely _good_ for the first time in months, maybe even years.

Then something heavy settled down on Sasuke's hip and in a sleepy stupor he lashed out at it with the back of his hand, "it" being identified as a cat as it hissed when it hit the floor.

"'M gonna kill the monster too."

He fell asleep with his head under Naruto's chin, the low rumble of a laugh beneath his hands and a pair of soft lips pressing a lingering kiss to his greasy hair, and life as he knew it was turning out to be damned fine indeed.

_Fin._

* * *

Have fun reviewing/not reviewing, whatever fits your liking.  
I have to say that I love those, and that they are more than welcome in any way, shape or form. Give 'em! 3  
I'm gonna go turn my day upside down now, namely sleep. -dies-

If you've read down to this last tidbit ... there is no words for how much I appreciate and love you. -REALLYREALLYBIGFATKISS!-

And Amaru, imouto, darling; this was finished way too late, and for that I'm sorry. What a lame birthday present this is. Please accept my most sincere apology! -bows-

Ja!


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